Co-Worker Fired: The End of R.A.W.
Posted on July 7, 2010I had a bad dream about my former co-worker and former buddy named R.A.W. He used to blog using a sub-domain I and my partner owned. Things got out of hand with his blog, and it had to be deleted after several days of back-and-forth e-mails between my partner and R.A.W. R.A.W. never spoke to me since.
My bad dream was about R.A.W. at Tashman Technologies, our former place of work. Tashman’s CEO once again downsized and there were layoffs. R.A.W. didn’t get the message since he was on 2nd shift, and he didn’t answer his phone. So he came up with his bookbag. He reported straight to the indexing department, although it was empty. He had left his bag in my office, and came back a couple of minutes after realizing there was no work.
He took his bag gruffly, and politely told me off. I was sitting down in my green chair, and just took it because I knew he was upset and unfairly blaming me for office politics which I was not involved in. He had his say, and left forever. I felt guilty for no logical reason, but emotions have no base in logic, now do they?
Let’s fast forward to real life. R.A.W. took offense to the way his blog was deactivated, and I became The Bad Guy. As much as I would like to paint myself as a victim of a skewed person, I look back to my childhood days and see that I did have a tendency to create some “exclusive club”, create rules, abuse my authority, and then create the means to end a relationship with a “buddy”.
Case #1: I was the Dungeon Master in 6th grade. I had organized a group and tweaked the rules of Dungeons & Dragons: no dice, I called the shots. It was THE game to play. The group was big, and I was the master storyteller. There was a competing group run by a Russian, who had the 2nd Edition Gamebook and dice. The Russian hated my game. He was trying to court gamers away from my group. One in particular was a boy named Jason McKinley. Jason was an enthusiastic player, and a little more advanced when it came to puberty. Jason amassed many items and spells from my stories. I had made myself a God, and here was an awfully popular lad looking up to me.
The power went to my head. I couldn’t handle the authority. That’s why I distrust and despise politicians and others in positions of power: we as humans can’t handle it, no matter what we think. This has been proven time and time again. So Jason and I were chatting, and I threatened to rip up his Character Sheet for no reason. He was stunned. But he was a tough street fighter, so he said “Go ahead”. He called my bluff- I guess I wanted him to further worship me- and I ripped it into shreds in front of him. He blinked, and then said he didn’t care. The Russian was smiling and recruited him on the spot. My D&D game was shrinking, and at the end I played with a couple of kids, while everyone else played the “real game” with The Russian. My run was over, and I paid for my hubris in spades.
Case #2: James Washington- PS 251. 6th Grade. 1988. I was appointed class monitor when my teacher Ms. Funk left. I was a fascist. I made a no-talking rule and no one listened so I wrote a bunch of names down on the blackboard. I was on such a power trip. James made fun of my bow-tie (!). I challenged him to a fight, since he had become cold to me in recent weeks, and sarcastic. The Jamaican smirked. He was around my size, but slightly taller. He treated me like Don Flamenco from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!, left-right-left-right-left-right-left-right. All open-hand slaps. Very embarrassing to say the least. Imagine me being the class monitor and getting whupped. James sat back down and got high fives. I deserved that.
So this brings me back to R.A.W. Even with all of the evidence showing that it was R.A.W. who had crossed the line, and even though I tried to be balanced and fair, and even though R.A.W. is by his own admission…weird…if not a bit crazy…even if it’s totally illogical, I guess deep down I still feel guilty about killing his blog. That’s the vibe I got from the dream..and that’s why it got filed in Bad-Dreams.com
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Tags: abuse of power, childhood, Dungeons and Dragons, R.A.W., schoolTags: abuse of power, childhood, Dungeons and Dragons, R.A.W., school
Categories: bad dreams
I felt guilt when I laid down the law with R.A.W. I’m a reluctant enforcer, wanting to give a person the benefit of the doubt before acting.
Unfortunately for him, when he refused to delete a comment with the words “[CENSORED] [CENSORED]” that linked to some photo that was probably from an innocuous wedding, and perverted Freedom of Speech to include anarchy for deviants, even if it was an apparent joke, I had to take it down. Well, actually, when I deleted it and he put it back UP, that’s when I had to take the whole R.A.W. blog down.
The comments section in that blog had turned into a sewer. God only knows the vermin that lurked there. I didn’t have the resources to police it all.
I take full responsibility for stamping “DONE!” on the R.A.W. blog.
***
On the subject of guilt: I definitely felt no animosity or anger towards George Steinbrenner when I heard of his passing. It was probably similar to the hallow feeling Dr. Doom had when he finally conquered the earth in Emperor Doom.
However, when I kept hearing the “Heart of gold” comments, and how HE built 7 championships, and how HE was a great team owner, THAT ticked me off.
So, yes, I respect the dead, regardless of how they lived, for some reason, but I can’t stand revisionist history.
For example, when Saddam Hussein was executed (speaking of enneagram type 8), I did not feel like cheering even though he deserved the full measure of Iraqi justice for the hundreds of thousands of lives he snuffed out or ruined. Now, if the MSM had started playing “Heart of gold” tributes to Saddam that would’ve riled me up.
I value all life, and I value history.
19.07.2010 11:57
Exclusive clubs: I suppose I’ve noticed that, but could never figure out the words to describe it. Anyway, I count myself lucky to be part of the team!
Although, as a young adult, a abhorred things like fraternities and secret societies, I suppose there is a place for inner circles amongst friends. “It is what it is.”
I guess I’ve never set out to start “Inner circles” but I tend to create them naturally. Even now, at my job, I have an inner circle of three, myself included, whom I confide in. There are others who I may talk to, but at the end of the day, I gravitate to the Haitian Sensation and Hank Greenberg.
As for the power thing — I suppose that’s why I naturally hate/get stressed out by too much power. I know, deep down, power can go to my head. No matter how good I think I am, I know it’s inevitable. I’ve seen too many others let it go to their head.
I suppose that’s why my favorite managers tend to be for the players/employees, and they act as a shield between employees and management.
I also suppose that is why I pushed for weekly employee/management meetings at Tashman — to use my authority to increase understanding between the two sides, and create an environment where we’re all striving for the same goal.
I find that life/unseen hand has a way of, uh, humbling me when things are going well. So, I’ve never really gotten a chance to get used to power, which is a good thing, I suppose, at the end of the day.
19.07.2010 12:17
Thank you for adding your introspective thoughts. I did receive an e-mail from another observer of the R.A.W. fiasco, and he told me that R.A.W. made his own bed, and that I should feel free. And you said I should feel free. So I just have to move forward with it, after getting off my chest.
And, yes, the Unseen Hand always humbles us.
28.07.2010 23:20